The Little Things

The funeral home my family uses sent me a "funeral planning survey" this week. It asks some good questions, such as: How much might you expect to pay for a funeral? Do you maintain up-to-date biographical information and accurate family records to assist you or a loved one with funeral preplanning? Have you ever heard of prepaid funeral plans?

Of course, their main goal is to get you to respond in the affirmative to the question: Would you like FREE information about funeral planning and the types of services which are available? Notice the passive voice there? They don't say, "the types of services which we offer," instead they say, "which are available."

But this isn't a grammar lesson. Instead, this post is about question number 6: In the event of your death, who would be responsible for making arrangements? Responders have two options. They can either check the "spouse" box or the "children" box. There is no option for "other" with a blank line to explain. Just the assumption that everybody is either married and/or has children.

As a single person, this doesn't offend me. No offense was intended. I just notice it, along with the other subtle reminders I see – the large package of skinless chicken breasts on sale at the grocery store I pass up, the older couple who walked hand-in-hand in front of me the other day, friends' relationship flag on Facebook flipping from single to relationship.

I don't own any of these subtleties and they do not own me. They just are. But, to say they don't exist wouldn't be honest. I notice them. I also notice the subtle ways people I know show they care.

Latte reads her card

In the same batch of mail in which I received the funeral planning survey, my cat received a card from a friend and his wife. Actually, it was from their cat. The card shows a cat peering into a toilet bowl, saying, "This is great! I just have to press the handle and the punch bowl refills!"

So, why in the world would anybody go to the trouble of spending three dollars on a card, plus postage, for somebody else's cat? The answer is pretty simply, really.

This couple knows I lost a cat five months ago. I had her for 20 years, and, as I said in this post, she was all I had. They also know I have a new cat, who is quite the rounder by the way, and that by doing something for her, they were doing something for me.

The little things in life – the subtle reminders of what we don't have, the cards that remind us of what we do have, the unspoken and the spoken words, the remembered and unremembered birthdays – they all add up.

55 Quirky Questions for Readers: Part 3

T.S. Eliot (1888 - 1965)

41. The longest I’ve gone without reading.

I've read fewer books this year than I can ever remember. It didn't happen by design. My business has required more out of me. I probably went for a month during one stretch this year without reading and it made me crabby. 

42. Name a book that you could/would not finish.

Ulysses by James Joyce.  

43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading?

The phone and poor quality – both in the construction of the book and in the writing. 

44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel?

The Notebook. 

45. Most disappointing film adaptation?

The Time Traveler's Wife. The film just didn't develop the relationship between Clare and Henry well enough.

46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time?

$85.00

47. How often do you skim a book before reading it?

If skimming means, flipping all the way through it, never. If skimming means, reading the first paragraph or two, always. 

48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through?

Poor writing is at the top of the list. I picked up a light-hearted Christmas novella last December and it was awful. Nearly every dialogue tag contained an adverb (she said indignantly, her mother said sternly, he asked politely, he asked curiously, she asked sharply, she asked dubiously – all actual examples from the book). I really wanted to ask for my $16.95 back, but I couldn't because I underlined all the adverbs.

49. Do you like to keep your books organized? 

Loosely. I keep fiction and non-fiction separate. For non-fiction, I divide them into categories: biographies, theology, etc. But since re-organizing my books a few years ago, I've bought many more books and they rarely end up on the correct shelf.

50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them?

Keep them. 

51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding?

Books I've already purchased? Sort of answered this one already. See number 34.

52. Name a book that made you angry.

Can't recall any. 

53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did?

The Cocktail Party by T.S. Eliot. Technically, it's a play, but I think it qualifies. 

54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t?

I don't finish books I don't like.  

55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading?

Character-driven, contemporary fiction – the types of books in which plot-driven readers jeer.

55 Quirky Questions for Readers: Part 2

Walt Whitman (1819 - 1891)

21. What will inspire you to recommend a book?

I generally only recommend books to people I know pretty well. If a book moves me or makes me think, and if I think it'll do the same for someone I know, then I recommend it. 

22. Favorite genre?

Contemporary fiction. I'm fascinated with the way modern characters deal with dilemmas. And I'm fascinated by the way they process life.

23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?)

History.

24. Favorite biography?

Oswald Chambers: Abandoned to God (The Life Story of the Author of My Utmost for His Highest)

25. Have you ever read a self-help book?

Probably not, although the 4,000 Questions for Getting to Know Anyone and Everyone book by Barbara Ann Kipfer I'm using for the 4,000 Questions series is considered "self-help." 

26. Favorite cookbook?

What's a cookbook? 

27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or nonfiction)?

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. 

28. Favorite reading snack?

I rarely snack while reading. Hate to get the pages (or Kindle) dirty. 

29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience.

Can't think of any. 

30. How often do you agree with critics about a book?

I rarely read book reviews. 

31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?

I'm not a book review person. I rarely read or write them.

32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose?

French. 

33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read?

Night by Elie Wiesel. Wasn't sure my stomach could handle the horrors he faced. 

34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin?

The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Boenhoffer.

35. Favorite poet?

I don't have one. Although, if you made me pick one, I'd probably say Walt Whitman. 

36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time?

I rarely check books out of the library. Did so for a literature group I was part of a few years ago. We read a few plays, poems and various other forms of prose. Haven't used the library since.

37. How often have you returned book to the library unread?

Given how infrequently I use it, never. 

38. Favorite fictional character?

Tough one. Probably Father Tim from the Jan Karon's Mitford Series. But there are a bunch of others, including: Natalie Pasternak from Nancy Moser's Mustard Seed Series, Frank Bascombe from Richard Ford's trilogy and Ben Payne from Charles Martin's The Mountain Between Us is moving up my charts.

39. Favorite fictional villain?

I'm not a fan of villains, although they are necessary. Don't have a favorite. 

40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation?

Novels. I rarely read non-fiction on vacation or on the road. It requires a different way of processing for me and I don't do it well on vacation. 

Part 3 coming tomorrow.

55 Quirky Questions for Readers: Part 1

This questionnaire has been making the rounds on blogs and I've enjoyed reading people's answers. Looks like it originated on The Literary Lollipop blog.

Here are my answers:

1. Favorite childhood book?

Benvenuto by Seymour Reit. Hands down. Wrote about it here.

2. What are you reading right now?

The Mountain Between Us by Charles Martin.

3. What books do you have on request at the library?

I don't really do the library.

4. Bad book habit?

I crack the bindings sometimes by opening books too wide. I have this thing about needing to have the book all the way open.

5. What do you currently have checked out at the library?

Nada.

6. Do you have an e-reader?

Yes, a Kindle 2 and I love it. Wrote about it here.

7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once?

I could never read more than one book at a time.

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog?

Not really. But I love talking about the passages that move on my blog.

9. Least favorite book you read this year?

The Accidental Tourist by Anne Tyler. The protagonist was too flaky.

10. Favorite book you’ve read this year?

The Tender Bar by J.R. Moehringer.

11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone?

I don't read crime, horror, detective stuff. Doesn't interest me in the least.

12. What is your reading comfort zone?

My reading interests are pretty varied, from sports to theology to fiction. I don't really read about sports as much as I read about the lives of athletes. Andre Agassi's Open is a good example. Reading this book last year turned me into a fan of memoirs. I read some theology, mostly from the reformed perspective. I step out of it occasionally. Regarding fiction, I prefer contemporary fiction that is character driven.

13. Can you read on the bus?

I haven't been on a bus in ions, but I could read on one.

14. Favorite place to read?

Recliner.

15. What is your policy on book lending?

Rarely do it.

16. Do you ever dog-ear books?

No.

17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books?

Oh yes.

18. Not even with text books?

I detect a bias in this question against writing in books. Putting that aside, when I was in school I wrote in text books too.

19. What is your favorite language to read in?

I only know one: English.

20. What makes you love a book?

If it is fiction, I need to be able to identify with one of the characters. If it is non-fiction, it only needs to be genuine – no perfect people doing good things with the correct motivation all the time.

Part 2 coming tomorrow.

Misunderstood TV Theme Song Lyrics

TV Land has been showing Three's Company episodes over the past few months, way late at night. I've been recording them and watching them as I go to sleep the next night.

It's funny how little I remember from the series – including the words to the theme song, which, in hindsight, I probably never knew all the way through.

In my mind, here's how the end of the song goes:

You'll see that life is a frolic and laughter is calling for you …
Down at our rendez-vous,
Vonda vonda da day voo
Three's company, too!

In reality, the third line is just an echo of the second line – the same words. I just realized that this weekend. Well, I didn't really realize it as much as I looked it up. I think I'll keep singing it my way. I like it better.

How about you? Have you ever mangled lyrics from a television theme song? Please share.

Sutter Home SWEET RED Wine (2008)

Maybe I've been overthinking this red wine thing – thinking I needed to figure out which grape produced the sweetest red wine. If you've missed my quest, you can read more about it here and here.

Looking like the novice I am, I spent maybe 20 minutes looking at nearly every bottle of wine in the grocery store the other day. I stumbled across one called "SWEET RED" by Sutter Home. That sounded perfect.

I flipped the bottle over and read this, "Sutter Home Family Vineyards offers this unique SWEET RED blend. We combine traditional California red varietals with a touch of sweet white wine to create a softer style red win that is voluptuously smooth, easy to drink and can be enjoyed chilled."

That is not false advertisement. It's the best red wine I've ever tasted. It isn't quite as good (sweet) as white zinfandel, but I can't imagine finding another red wine that comes this close. Granted, it's cheating a little since they added a touch of white wine to the mix, but if this is cheating, then so is drinking Coke Zero or Pepsi One.

And it passes one of the wine pansy tests – it comes with a cork, not a screw top lid. Although I have to admit, I have still not mastered the uncorking process.

A few years ago, I bought a friend a bottle of wine and he came over to enjoy it while we watched a movie. I was so unaccustomed to real wine that I wasn't prepared to open it. The corkscrew I had was from the 1970s and it probably belonged on the end of a pocketknife or a keychain more than anything.

So, we had to go to the grocery store to get a real corkscrew – the kind with the handle grips on the side that actually pulls the cork out of the bottle. I'm getting better at using it now, but I could still use some practice. Now that I have found a red wine I enjoy, I should be a pro at popping corkscrews soon.