I've always known that memories have power. And, as I've mentioned before, when people don't remember an event, it's almost like saying it never happened. It's not true, but it feels like it is. I'm not coming down on people for having a bad memory. More than one friend has asked me if I remember something and oftentimes I don't. What I'm getting at though is this--all of us want people to remember because somehow it validates the experience.
Yesterday, I read an article called, "It's Okay to Talk about Joan." It's written by Kenneth Haugk. His wife, Joan, died in 2002 after 33 years of marriage. He desperately wanted people to talk about Joan in his presence after she died. A couple of month's after her death, he was having dinner in a restaurant with his daughters, his son-in-law, and his grandson. One of his daughters asked the server if she could sample the soup before she decided whether to order it or not. Her husband said, "You must have gotten that from your mother. I remember her doing that a lot."
Haugk said that a warm glow washed all over him and he saw the remark as a kind gesture. Elsewhere in the article Haugk made a powerful point about memories: "To have memories, you must have remembering. One saying goes: 'A problem shared is a problem halved.' The arithmetic works differently with memories: 'A memory shared is a memory doubled.' I can certainly remember alone, and I do, but when someone else remembers with me, it is much better."
That's exactly how I feel about memories. I just didn't have such a clear understanding of how I felt as Haugk does. Indeed, a memory shared is a memory doubled and it magically connects two people for a brief moment. Think about the opportunities we have to touch each other. Rather than shying away from talking about somebody's deceased loved one(s) in his or her presence, we might just end up touching someone the way Haugk's son-in-law did if we're willing to share our memories.
