But one particular graphic continues to make its way into my newsfeed and I eventually read it. It’s entitled “How to Care for Introverts.” As an introvert, I want to talk about this.
1. Respect their need for privacy.
I don’t think my introversion makes me need anybody to respect my privacy any more than the average person. In fact, once I get to know you, I’m probably more open regarding my privacy than the average person. Maybe those who know me would disagree. If so, I’d be interested in hearing their take.
2. Never embarrass them in public.
Does anybody like to be embarrassed in public?
3. Let them observe first in new situations.
Totally agree. Don’t ask me to participate in something I don’t fully understand.
4. Give them time to think, don’t demand instant answers.
While I have an instant opinion, I don’t always trust it. I need time to process before I can give you a real answer.
5. Don’t interrupt them.
This doesn’t bother me. People interrupt each other in conversation.
6. Give them advance notice of expected changes in their lives.
Seems like a common courtesy.
7. Give them 15 minute warnings to finish whatever they are doing.
This is why I’m an email person, or at least a text before you call person. I charge clients by the hour, which means I track everything I do with a timer. Unexpected phone calls require me to clock out of the job I’m working on so I can pick up the phone. The problem with that is, it’s hard for me to pick up where I left off after the phone call. My flow is gone and I have to try to find it. So yeah, a 15-minute warning is nice.
8. Reprimand them privately.
Does anybody like to be reprimanded publicly?
9. Teach them new skills privately.
Not true for me. I’d rather learn a new skill in a classroom environment. I don’t feel like I’m on the spot as much, and it gives me more time to process what I’m learning.
10. Enable them to find one best friend who has similar interests and abilities.
I don’t understand this one. How does one “enable” someone else to find a best friend? Don’t we naturally gravitate toward people of similar interests? And my best friend doesn’t need to have similar abilities.
11. Don’t push them to make lots of friends.
I don’t understand this one either. If it simply said, “Don’t push them,” I would get it. I hate being pushed. But why would anybody push someone to make lots, or fewer, friends?
12. Respect their introversion, don’t try to remake them into extroverts.
A good rule of thumb for any personality type.
I'll agree on #10. In fact the way it's worded bugs me. It sound belittling. It would be better stated as:
ReplyDeleteExpect that they'll tend to invest in a single best friend who has similar interests and abilities.
As an introvert and raging INFJ, I need my space, freedom, and ability to do on my own. And engage when I'm ready-willing-able. And yeah, give me a single best friend, and I'm really set for life. (but then again, I think anyone would be - because those are cherished few)
Good point about the wording of number then.
DeleteI think there's a reason Jesus had an inner circle (Peter, James, and John) among the 12 -- because in his humanity, three people were enough for him relationally.
Also, the "embarrass them in public" isn't the best wording. As an introvert myself, I do not like being put on the spot, especially in a public arena of any kind, so I think maybe "do not draw attention to an introvert in public," might be better. This would include things like, "Your new haircut is cute, look everybody..." LOL That kind of thing "embarrasses" some introverts.
ReplyDeleteAnd, you are right, nobody should enjoy a public reprimand.
I'll agree with Sherry on the #10 and I like the way she words that. I'm very limited in the "best friend" department. There are very few people I have ever let get to know me deeply.
I can NOT stand being interrupted. It takes me awhile to organize my thoughts in order to verbally present them, which is why I really do prefer text and/or email (and people who claim text and email are prone to miscommunication because of the fact you can't hear tone of voice or see expressions on a face, well, they must never have misunderstood anybody that they ever heard speak or talked to. LOL), so when I finally have something to say, I expect to be listened to. My blood boils when I'm interrupted. Yes, sometimes interruptions happen in conversations, that's just naturally part of it, and those instances are not a problem. What I'm talking about is something that is constant, or another person just talks right over me. I really abhor interruptions.
Good distinction regarding being embarrassed in public. I didn't think of it that way. I'm definitely in the don't-draw-attention-to-me-in-public camp. I like to blend in.
DeleteAnd I hear what you are saying about constantly being stepped on in conversation. Good point.
Maybe introverts should get together and re-word this graphic. :)