The three posts I wrote about Elizabethtown
last month are turning out to be quite popular—not because I had anything
brilliant to say about the movie, but because people are googling many of the
quotable lines from the movie and they are finding this blog.
If you missed the series, here are the links to help you get
caught up:
The quote that most people are googling to get here is “substitute
people.” Here’s the quote from the movie: “You and I have a special talent,”
Claire says to Drew. “And I saw it immediately. We’re the substitute people. I’ve
been the substitute person my whole life. I’m not an Ellen [a co-worker Drew
was into]. I never wanted to be an Ellen. And I’m not a Cindy either … I like
being alone too much. I mean, I’m with a guy who is married to his academic
career. I rarely see him and I’m the substitute person there. I like it that
way. It’s a lot less pressure.”
Obviously, a lot of people can relate to Claire’s character.
I already explored the definition of “substitute people” in my first post in
the series, so I won’t get into that again now, but I didn’t talk about how I
really don’t believe Claire when she implies that she likes being a substitute
person. She tries to convince Drew, and I’m sure herself, that she likes not
feeling needed or in demand all the time during a relationship.
But if that were really true, she wouldn’t have spent the
entire night on the phone with Drew. She wouldn’t have switched her work
schedule so she could be with him as he dealt with his father’s death. She
wouldn’t have shared her dreams, and fears, and insecurities with him. She
wouldn’t have told him that their first kiss was more intimate than most of the
sex she’d had in her life. She wouldn’t have made him the travel kit. And she
wouldn’t have been willing to let him go – hoping that he’d choose to be with
her at the end of his journey.
Nobody wants to be a substitute person. We just claim that
the position is acceptable because we’re afraid that nobody will ever consider
us an original. But along with way, most will consider us substitute people and
that’s not a knock against them or us. They have an original in mind and for
whatever reason – justified or not, we don’t live up to it.
The problem comes when we embrace substitute person status,
like Claire did, because embracing it means that we’ll never get to see wonder
in the other person’s eyes as we tell him or her about our theories, our beliefs,
our hopes, and our dreams. It means we’ll never get that all-knowing,
all-understanding hand-squeeze, or look from the person we love that says, “I
know exactly what you are thinking or feeling and I want you to know that it
means just as much to me as it does to you.”
No matter how much we try to convince ourselves that being a
substitute person is better than not being in the game, the seeming cruel and
mocking indifference we receive from someone who doesn’t consider us an
original slowly crushes our will to live a vibrant life. I’d much rather be out
living the life I choose right now because it allows me to save my experiences
in an emotional place where one day I hope to invite a person who considers me
to be her original.
