I'm a single guy, which means I never give my home "décor" one nanosecond of thought. So, when I saw this article, "A Bachelor's Degree in Décor," in USA Today Weekend, I couldn't help but laugh. Why do I need a degree in something I care nothing about?
The guy who wrote the article, Lou Manfredini, is a contractor and author of several home improvement books according to his bio at the end of the article. Maybe that explains why he cares about educating single guys about such things, but I'm guessing that he's wasting his time.
Among his attempts to enlighten us are:
--The home library, in which he says: "Lay out a few coffee-table books that your guests can flip through while making themselves comfortable."
For starters, guys don't do coffee-table books. None that I've ever heard of anyway. Second, single guys don't "get comfortable." They play video games. They yell and scream at the television while watching sports. On a slow night, they pop in a movie. But sitting around and reading coffee-table books just doesn't happen. Ever.
--Mood lighting, and no I'm not kidding. He really addresses the topic. His advice includes this: "Don't forget window treatments: Sheer drapes allow light to shine through subtly. Or, if you're on a tight budget, prefabricated wooden shutters will do."
Window treatments? I have no idea what that is. Sheer drapes? I don't even have drapes. I hate drapes. Too much work to move them out of the way when I actually want to look out the window. Prefabricated wooden shutters? What in the world? I don't have any shutters and I have no clue what a prefabricated wooden shutter would look like.
--Plant life (including freshly cut flowers): Ah, don't be ridiculous.
--Accessories, which to Lou means clean, matching linens and towels without strings hanging off the edges. I pride myself on using towels for as long as possible, dangling strings and all. And what in the world are "matching linens and towels?" What do they match? Each other? The room color? And why does it matter? Single guys don't care about such things.
--A rolling kitchen island: He explains what it is in his article, and I still don't know what he's talking about. It involves keeping hors d'oeuvres and wine coolers and juices available for guests.
Single guys don't eat hors d'oeuvres—unless we are visiting a married friend's house and they are made by his wife. Heck, I can't even spell hors d'oeuvres. Single guys eat chips when guests are over. We certainly don't drink wine coolers. How much more metromale can one get? Pop and/or beer are our drinks of choice.
--This last one is really going to crack you up: "Consider getting a king-size bed with Egyptian cotton sheets and extra throw pillows." I have no clue what Egyptian cotton sheets are and I HATE throw pillows. I end up "throwing" them across the room because they serve no purpose whatsoever.
I can't help but wonder if this article isn't a joke of some sort. If it is meant to be serious, then USA Today Weekend needs to give me a shot to counter Manfredini's article so I can explain something that ought to be obvious—single guys don't even want a degree in décor.
