You Might be a Single Dude if . . .

You might be a single dude if . . .

• You open your refrigerator only to discover that the mayonnaise expired on November 5, 2008. Yes, 2008.

• You know that eggs will eventually become hollow if they are in your refrigerator for a few years.

• You know that green beans turn orange if they have been in your refrigerator for a while.
  

In case you are worried about my safety, don't. Only the first situation has happened to me recently and even then I had enough sense to throw it out. The last two happened many years ago, but they are still pretty funny, don't you think?

On to non-refrigerator items on the list.

You might be a single dude if . . .

• You can't remember the last time you were caught up on laundry.

• You can't remember the last time you cooked something other than chili or hamburgers.
  

• Your Christmas tree has a George Brett ornament on it.
  

• You got your Christmas stocking at a Royals "Christmas in July" promotion.
  

• Your home office is painted powder blue (in honor of the Kansas City Royals, who probably don't deserve a lot of honor, but hey, I'm a loyal guy).
  

• All of your furniture is a different color and you couldn't care less.

• Your vacuum cleaner is missing a hose thingy and it doesn't really matter.

• You have shag carpet and you think it's just fine.
  

• You have no useless artifacts and trinkets on the walls and shelves; instead you have useful items such as a Royals poster from the 1980s and baseball media guides.

• You lose your shoes, your keys, and your iPod in the house once in a while, only to discover them in the oddest of places.

• You have bought Christmas cards for the past four years, but never got around to writing in or mailing them.